“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us. ”
We live in a world of polarity. This polarity is most often noted by the duality in nature. We have male and female, up and down, left and right, large and small, short and tall, light and dark, night and day, etc. Although duality seems to be most obvious in our world of physicality, there is often a middle ground which makes our polarized spectrum one that’s more of a trinity than just a simple “this or that”. For example, between hot and cold is warm, and between big and small there’s medium. I think that the fairy tale story of “The Three Bears” and Goldilocks best exemplifies this. Without the complement, we wouldn’t be able to truly know what a thing is. And sometimes the best way to understand something is by realizing what it is not.
For me, one of my biggest revelations was being able to see how all emotions are extensions and expressions of either love or fear. These are the two extremes of the polarized emotional energy spectrum. Love or fear is the motivating force behind everything we think and do. All of the positive emotions that we have like joy, gratitude, peace, happiness, compassion, etc. are expressions of love. The negative emotions and feelings that we have like anger, sadness, jealousy, depression, self-doubt, etc. are all extensions of fear.
The connection of each individualized feeling to its root of love and fear may not be so obvious. But if you reflect on those moments when you have felt one way or the other, I think it becomes clearer to see how they are the grounding forces behind everything we do. Perhaps you may be asking, “What does being jealous have to do with being fearful?” When we are jealous of what someone else has or has achieved, what is really happening is that at some level, we are not fully seeing our own worth. We fear that we are not good enough to have what it is that we want, and in turn we envy those that do. This fear arises because we have brought into an illusion of lack–which is untrue because we live in an abundant universe–however, we think that if someone else has something, then there is less for us.
Love is the cure for fear. Fear and love cannot coexist in the same thought. You’re either moving in the direction of one or the other. Thankfully, at any moment you can choose to think another thought. Living with love will open you up to a world full of exciting experiences. On the other hand, fear keeps you trapped from being and fully understanding the love that you are.
As a whole, we have traveled so far from our true nature which is love. We have identified with something that we are not (fear) and in the process have created an understanding of love that is unlike what it really is. When I speak of love, I mean unconditional love. A love that is neither jealous nor controlling. One that requires nothing. A love that gives without any expectation of return.The fear-based reality that has dominated much of the human experience can be changed by choosing to be and express love with every thought, every word, and every action.
All actions and emotional reactions are a result of beliefs that we hold. When we believe that something is good, we react in a positive way and vice versa. The helpful thing about fear is that it shows you where you hold a belief that is out of alignment with your true self (love). You can use your fear as a guide post for seeing where you can change your beliefs and adjust the way you look at a situation in order to see it through a lens of love. Once you face your fears and transmute it through loving energy, you can free yourself of the fear that you once held towards that thing. In fact, the thing that you once feared could become one of your greatest pleasures or joys.
When I catch myself thinking a negative thought, I stop and remember LOVE. I don’t beat myself up for it. Instead, I just move onto to a thought that is in the direction of love. By consciously monitoring our thoughts, we can began to live our lives more consistently aligned with our true selves. When I notice a pattern of negative thoughts, I find it helpful to ask myself “What am I afraid of?” This springs honest reflection that allows me to get to the root of the pattern and shift my thinking into thoughts that are more in alignment with love and not fear.
Love is the only thing that is real. It is the truth and it is eternal. Fear is the biggest illusion. Although it seems real, it is not at all. Think of a time when you had to do something that you were terrified to do. Once you did that thing, everything that you feared about it, you probably did not experience. You survived through it and you can see that the fear was all in your head. When we realize that there is really nothing to be afraid of, we can move out into the world and perceive and respond to all events with love. Freedom from consistent fearful thinking will help us to see the loving light within us and to express that in ways that will help others recognize their own light, and ultimately make this world a more loving place for all.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
Somehow in our society it has become commonplace to think that someone who shows their emotions is weak and someone who is stoic and seemingly unbothered by life’s challenges is strong. However, that idea couldn’t be more wrong. The exact opposite is true. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in a given moment, it is then that we are actually displaying our true strength.
As men, we are often taught that being emotional and being in touch with our feelings is a sign of weakness. They say, “It is only proper for girls to be vulnerable. Men aren’t supposed to have negative emotions outside of anger. Men are definitely not supposed to express those negative emotions. And there is absolutely no excuse for a man to ever cry.” But as a human-being, we all have emotions. Positive and negative. Our emotions are meant to be felt and expressed. With this understanding, we can move from a place of letting our ego be in control, to really letting our soul shine through.
One of the most important things that we can do is to teach our children and our youth how to express their feelings. So many times we tell our kids to “Suck it up” or “Stop crying and don’t be sad“. Such statements are often made by loving parents who do not want to see their children hurt and in pain. The error is that we are teaching our children to deny their feelings. We are teaching them that they should not feel any type of sadness or hurt. Instead, what we should be teaching our youth is how to feel their emotions and let them pass as they naturally will. What ends up happening is that instead of learning how to feel their emotions, children start to build up walls to protect themselves from feeling much at all. These walls often carry into their adult lives and create unnecessary struggles for them in the forms of trust issues, defensiveness, and sabotaging a good thing in the fear of being hurt by it. By guiding our children through the right way to deal with their feelings, we can help them establish strong emotional grounding that will support them as they grow into adults.
I’ve found that one of my biggest challenges has been opening up my heart again and expressing those emotions that are deep inside. Sometimes it seems easier for me to pretend as though everything is okay, rather than to let someone know that I am actually upset or saddened by something. But as I am learning, I see that without feeling you are not truly alive. You have to be able to feel.
It is okay to have feelings of sadness, of heartbreak, of despair, of hopelessness and of other negative emotions at times. What is not okay is ignoring your feelings as if they don’t exist. When emotions are kept bottled up, it is unhealthy on many levels. Bottled up emotions often are the root of extreme expressions such as rage and tantrums. And they are also the cause of many physical dis-eases such as ulcers, cancers, etc.
Many people use different things to numb their pain instead of feeling it. Some of these things may include working a lot, eating in excess, drinking alcohol on a regular basis, excessive shopping, etc. All of these things are distractions that keep you from feeling those negative emotions that are deep within. The way to move past these extreme behaviors and addictions is to feel whatever pain you’re avoiding. Deal with those issues and allow all of those feelings to come up no matter how painful they may be. What you are not willing to deal with and face, you will not be able to heal. Don’t use your behaviors as an excuse to stay stuck in sadness, hurt, anger, etc.
It takes a vulnerably strong person to say that “I am sorry.” It takes a vulnerably strong person to say that “I was afraid.” It takes strength to show your heart. Much like with many things in life, the more you practice being vulnerable and living from your heartspace, the easier it will become to act from that place in more of life’s situations.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean that you are being gullible or too free in sharing yourself. It simply means that you are willing to express your emotional truth in a given moment.
Being vulnerable is really just being open. Open to the good things and the bad things. Without one or the other, we wouldn’t be having a full life experience. An open heart may experience heartache but a closed heart cannot feel love. If you’re too busy worrying about protecting yourself from being hurt all the time, you may miss out on all of the love and joy that could come in the most unexpected of ways. I offer you to see vulnerability as one of your greatest strengths. You may find that you’re stronger than you had ever imagined.